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Anecdotes & Quotations

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  1. 6.8 hrs • 9/20/2016 • Unabridged

    This collection of the most epic, hilarious, and strange Bill Murray stories from the past four decades spotlights the star’s extraordinary ability to infuse the everyday with surprise, absurdity, and wonder.

    Available Formats: Download

    The Tao of Bill Murray

    6.8 hrs • 9/20/16 • Unabridged
  2. 2.9 hrs • 5/17/2016 • Unabridged
    Available Formats: Download
  3. 5.9 hrs • 5/19/2015 • Unabridged

    Two reckless but lovable all-American bros make a strong case for maturing slowly through their outrageous yet enlightening misadventures across this great country of ours. My brother and I are looking for wedding dates for our cousin’s wedding. We’ve been told by the bride that bringing dates is “mandatory” so we “won’t harass all of my friends all night” and “stay under control.” Rather than ask some fringe women in our lives to go and face the inevitable “does this mean he wants to take it to the next level?!” questions, we’d rather bring complete strangers and just figure it out. We’re both in our twenties, single, dashingly tall, Anglo-Saxon, respectfully athletic, love to party, completely house-trained … love our mother, have seen Love Actually several times … raw, emotional, sensitive, but still bad boys … You should be attractive or our aunts will judge you, but not TOO attractive or one of our uncles might grope you. Dave and Mike Stangle thought nothing of it when they boozily decided to turn to the “activity partners” section of Craigslist to solicit dates to their cousin’s wedding. The hilarious, out-of-this-world ad that they came up with—featuring a picture of the two brothers as centaurs—immediately went viral, eventually landing these Wayfarers-wearing, moped-riding, completely reckless but ultimately lovable bros in the annals of the “Internet famous.” In Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates, the Stangle brothers bring their trademark, off-color humor to everything from their most embarrassing adolescent experiences (like getting beat up by a girl on their front lawn … in front of their dad), to the most outrageous predicaments (like tripping on mushrooms with their bulldog, Frank), to proper sexting etiquette, and finally to breaking up a midget bar fight (you have to shoo them away). With the incredible comedic chemistry of Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson in Wedding Crashers and the uncensored honesty of Tucker Max, Mike and Dave insist there’s nothing wrong with just seeing where life takes you.

    Available Formats: Download

    Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates

    5.9 hrs • 5/19/15 • Unabridged
  4. 3.1 hrs • 5/19/2015 • Unabridged

    In this intimate memoir of life beyond the camera, Connor Franta shares the lessons he has learned on his journey from small-town boy to Internet sensation—so far. Here, Connor offers a look at his Midwestern upbringing as one of four children in the home and one of five in the classroom; his struggles with identity, body image, and sexuality in his teen years; and his decision to finally pursue his creative and artistic passions in his early twenties, setting up his thrilling career as a YouTube personality, philanthropist, entrepreneur, and tastemaker. Exploring his past with insight and humor, his present with humility, and his future with hope, Connor reveals his private struggles while providing heartfelt words of wisdom for young adults. His words will resonate with anyone coming of age in the digital era, but at the core is a timeless message for people of all ages: don’t be afraid to be yourself and to go after what you truly want.

    Available Formats: Download

    A Work in Progress

    3.1 hrs • 5/19/15 • Unabridged
  5. 2.6 hrs • 5/5/2015 • Unabridged

    Want to know how to garden with lobsters? How to sober up, grow a beard, or simply how to make a perfect omelet? Look no further, or rather, look backward. Based on the popular blog, Ask the Past is full of the wisdom of the ages—as well as the fad diets, zany pickup lines, and bacon Band-Aids of the ages. Drawn from centuries of antique texts by historian and bibliophile Elizabeth P. Archibald, Ask the Past offers a delightful array of advice both wise and weird. Whether it’s eighteenth-century bedbug advice (sprinkle bed with gunpowder and let smolder), budget fashion tips of the Middle Ages (save on the clothes, splurge on the purse) or a sixteenth-century primer on seduction (hint: do no pass gas), Ask the Past is a wildly entertaining guide to life from the people who lived it first.

    Available Formats: Download

    Ask the Past

    2.6 hrs • 5/5/15 • Unabridged
  6. 1 reviews 0 5 5 5 out of 5 stars 5/5 (1)
    7.3 hrs • 10/21/2014 • Unabridged

    Bacon. McDonalds. Cinnabon. Hot Pockets. Kale. Stand-up comedian and author Jim Gaffigan has made his career rhapsodizing over the most treasured dishes of the American diet (“choking on bacon is like getting murdered by your lover”) and decrying the worst offenders (“kale is the early morning of foods”). Fans flocked to his New York Times bestselling book Dad Is Fat to hear him riff on fatherhood. But now, in his second book, he will give them what they really crave—hundreds of pages of his thoughts on all things culinary(ish). Food: A Love Story contains insights on why he believes coconut water was invented to get people to stop drinking coconut water, why pretzel bread is number three on his most important inventions of humankind list (behind the wheel and the computer), and the answer to the age-old question, “which animal is more delicious: the pig, the cow, or the bacon cheeseburger?”

    Available Formats: Download


    7.3 hrs • 10/21/14 • Unabridged
    1 reviews 0 5 5 5 out of 5 stars 5/5 (1)
  7. 7.2 hrs • 10/14/2014 • Unabridged

    Tired of memoirs that only tell you what really happened? Sick of deeply personal accounts written in the first person? Seeking an exciting, interactive read that puts the “u” back in “aUtobiography”? Then look no further than Neil Patrick Harris: Choose Your Own Autobiography! In this revolutionary, Joycean experiment in light celebrity narrative, actor/personality/carbon-based life-form Neil Patrick Harris lets you, the reader, live his life. You will be born in New Mexico. You will get your big break at an acting camp. You will get into a bizarre confrontation outside a nightclub with actor Scott Caan. Even better, at each critical juncture of your life, you will choose how to proceed. You will decide whether to try out for Doogie Howser, MD. You will decide whether to spend years struggling with your sexuality. You will decide what kind of caviar you want to eat on board Elton John’s yacht. Choose correctly and you’ll find fame, fortune, and true love. Choose incorrectly and you’ll find misery, heartbreak, and a guest stint on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. All this, plus magic tricks, cocktail recipes, embarrassing pictures from your time as a child actor, and even a closing song. Yes, if you buy one book this year, congratulations on being above the American average, but make that book Neil Patrick Harris: Choose Your Own Autobiography!

    Available Formats: Download

    Neil Patrick Harris

    7.2 hrs • 10/14/14 • Unabridged
  8. 12.7 hrs • 1/28/2014 • Unabridged

    If you think the wildest, wackiest stories that Carl Hiaasen can tell have all made it into his hilarious, bestselling novels, think again. Dance of the Reptiles collects the best of Hiaasen’s Miami Herald columns, which lay bare the stories—large and small—that demonstrate anew that truth is far stranger than fiction. Hiaasen offers his commentary—indignant, disbelieving, sometimes righteously angry, and frequently hilarious—on burning issues like animal welfare, polluted rivers, and the broken criminal justice system, as well as the Deepwater Horizon oil spill, Bernie Madoff’s trial, and the shenanigans of the recent presidential elections. Whether or not you have read Carl Hiaasen before, you are in for a wild ride.

    Available Formats: Download

    Dance of the Reptiles

    12.7 hrs • 1/28/14 • Unabridged
  9. 4.7 hrs • 9/1/2013 • Unabridged

    From acclaimed, New York Times bestselling author Mary Roach comes the complete collection of her “My Planet” articles published in Reader’s Digest. She was a hit columnist in the magazine, and this book features the articles she wrote in that time. Insightful and hilarious, Mary explores the ins and outs of the modern world: marriage, friends, family, food, technology, customer service, dental floss, and ants. She leaves no element of the American experience unchecked for its inherent paradoxes, pleasures, and foibles. On cleanliness: Ed has crud vision, and I don’t. I don’t notice filth. Ed sees it everywhere. I am reasonably convinced that Ed can actually see bacteria … He confessed he didn’t like me using his bathrobe because I’d wear it while sitting on the toilet. “It’s not like it goes in the water,” I protested, though if you counted the sash as part of the robe, this wasn’t strictly true. On Fashion: My husband recently made me try on a bikini. A bikini is not so much a garment as a cloth-based reminder that your parts have been migrating all these years. My waist, I realized that day in the dressing room, has completely disappeared beneath my rib cage, which now rests directly on my hips. I’m exhibiting continental drift in reverse. On eating healthy: So Ed and I were eating a lot of vegetables. Vegetables on pasta, vegetables on rice. This was extremely healthy, until you got to the part where Ed and I are found in the kitchen at 10 p.m., feeding on Froot Loops and tubes of cookie dough.

    Available Formats: Download

    My Planet

    4.7 hrs • 9/1/13 • Unabridged
  10. 8.0 hrs • 6/4/2013 • Unabridged

    When Charlie McDowell began sharing his open letters to his noisy upstairs neighbors, two impossibly ditzy female roommates in their mid-twenties, on Twitter, his feed quickly went viral. His followers multiplied and he got the attention of everyone from celebrities to production studios to major media outlets such as Time and Glamour. Now Dear Girls breaks out of the Twitter character limit as Charlie imagines what would happen if he put the wisdom of the girls to the test. After being unceremoniously dumped by the girl he was certain was “the one,” Charlie realized his neighbors’ conversations were not only amusing, but also offered him access to a completely uncensored woman’s perspective on the world. From the importance of effectively Facebook-stalking potential girlfriends and effortlessly pulling off pastel, to learning when in the early stages of dating is too presumptuous to bring a condom and how to turn food poisoning into a dieting advantage, the girls get Charlie into trouble, but they also get him out of it, without ever having a clue of their impact on him.

    Available Formats: Download

    Dear Girls Above Me

    8.0 hrs • 6/4/13 • Unabridged
  11. 11.3 hrs • 5/1/2013 • Unabridged

    “In The Laugh Makers, Bob Mills takes us on a delightful, side-splitting journey back to the slapstick sketch comedy of television’s golden age—a long-ago era of variety, song-and-dance, brilliant patter, and a seemingly endless parade of laughs—sprung from the genius of ‘gag men,’ that talented group of wit-blessed wordsmiths to whom the book pays well-deserved homage. The Laugh Makers is a priceless collection of heretofore unpublished recollections revealing untold secrets and goings-on behind the scenes on The Bob Hope Show from Stockholm to Bora Bora, London to Peking. It’s jam-packed with stories [and] anecdotes, his guest stars, and his writers—all from a fondly remembered past that will have you chuckling from start to finish. Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These firsthand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career―and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business.”—Gary Owens, Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In

    Available Formats: Download, CD, MP3 CD
    The Laugh Makers by Robert L. Mills, JD

    The Laugh Makers

    Foreword by Gary Owens
    Produced by Joe Bevilacqua
    11.3 hrs • 5/1/13 • Unabridged
    Also: CD, MP3 CD
  12. 1 reviews 0 5 2 2 out of 5 stars 2/5 (1)
    3.3 hrs • 4/2/2013 • Unabridged

    By the author of Attempting Normal and host of the podcast WTF with Marc Maron, The Jerusalem Syndrome is the gospel according to Maron: a spiritual memoir of your average hyper-intelligent, ultra-neurotic, super-hip Jewish standup comedian and seeker.  The Jerusalem Syndrome is a genuine psychological phenomenon that often strikes visitors to the Holy Land—the delusion that they are suddenly direct vessels for the voice of God. Marc Maron seems to have a distinctly American version of the Jerusalem syndrome, which has led him on a lifelong quest for religious significance and revelation in the most unlikely of places. Maron riffs on Beat phenomena with its sacred texts, established rituals, and prescribed pilgrimages. He spends some time exploring the dark side of things, as his obsessions with cocaine (known to Maron as “magic powder”), conspiracy theories, and famous self-destructive comedians who convince him that the gates of hell open beneath Los Angeles. As his quest matures, he reveals the religious aspects of corporate America, pontificating on the timeless beauty of the Coca-Cola logo, and even taking a trip to the Philip Morris cigarette factory, where the workers puff their own products with a zealot-like fervor. The culmination of Maron’s Jerusalem syndrome comes during his own tour of the Holy Land, where, with a Sony camcorder glued to his eye socket, he comes face-to-face with his own ambiguous relationship to Judaism and reaches the brink of spiritual revelation—or is it nervous breakdown? Marc Maron has considerably adapted and expanded his praised one-man show to craft a genuine literary memoir. Whether he’s a genuine prophet or a neurotic mess, he’ll make you laugh as you question the meaning of life.

    Available Formats: Download

    The Jerusalem Syndrome

    3.3 hrs • 4/2/13 • Unabridged
    1 reviews 0 5 2 2 out of 5 stars 2/5 (1)
  13. 0.0 hrs • 1/1/2013 • Unabridged

    Here’s more from the fertile—yet frugal—mind of Annie Korzen, actress, comedienne, and author and narrator of How to Be a Bargain Junkie. In this audio, Annie, a thrifty woman with expensive tastes, shares even more of her hilarious tales from the trenches—the garage sales, thrift stores, and online auctions.

    Available Formats: Download, Digital Rental

    The Mulch Saga

    0.0 hrs • 1/1/13 • Unabridged
    Also: Digital Rental
  14. 1.2 hrs • 7/15/2012 • Unabridged

    Fans get a preview of Sedaris’ next essay collection in this live performance. As he draws from a mix of recent Esquire submissions and new book material, this recording has an even lighter feel than his previous one. Family, fashion, and fake arms aren’t safe from his eccentric, hilarious observations. “Six to Eight Black Men,” an essay on Holland’s Christmas customs, will send listeners into hysterics. Expect Sedaris’ signature style: nasal, easy to listen to, and entertaining, especially when he does his deadpan delivery of astonishingly funny lines. This is a real treat for old fans, and a great introduction for new ones.

    Available Formats: Download

    David Sedaris Live at Carnegie Hall

    1.2 hrs • 7/15/12 • Unabridged
  15. 6.3 hrs • 7/15/2012 • Unabridged

    David Sedaris plays in the snow with his sisters. He goes on vacation with his family. He gets a job selling drinks. He attends his brother’s wedding. He mops his sister’s floor. He gives directions to a lost traveler. He eats a hamburger. He has his blood sugar tested. It all sounds so normal, doesn’t it? In his newest collection of essays, David Sedaris lifts the corner of ordinary life, revealing the absurdity teeming below its surface. His world is alive with obscure desires and hidden motives, it’s a world where forgiveness is automatic and an argument can be the highest form of love. Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim is another unforgettable collection from one of the wittiest and most original writers at work today.

    Available Formats: Download

    Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim

    6.3 hrs • 7/15/12 • Unabridged
  16. 4.3 hrs • 7/15/2012 • Unabridged

    David Sedaris’ beloved holiday collection is new again with six more pieces, including a never-before-published story. Along with such favorites as the diaries of a Macy’s elf and the annals of two very competitive families are Sedaris’ tales of tardy trick-or-treaters, the difficulties of explaining the Easter Bunny to the French, what to do when you’ve been locked out in a snowstorm, the puzzling Christmas traditions of other nations, what Halloween at the medical examiner’s looks like, and a barnyard secret Santa scheme gone awry. This collection includes: “Us and Them”“Jesus Shaves”“Let It Snow”“Six to Eight Black Men”“The Monster Mash”“Cow and Turkey”

    Available Formats: Download

    Holidays on Ice

    4.3 hrs • 7/15/12 • Unabridged
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