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  1. 6.8 hrs • 6/14/2016 • Unabridged

    Jenny Mollen is a writer and actress living in New York. Until two years ago, her life was exciting, sexy, a little eccentric, and one hundred percent impulsive. She had a husband who embraced her crazy—who understood her need to occasionally stalk around the house in his ex-girlfriend’s old beach caftans and to invite their drug dealer to Passover seder (so he wouldn’t feel like they were using him only for drugs). Then they had their son, Sid, and overnight, Jenny was forced to grow up: to be responsible, to brush her hair, to listen to her voicemail. Live Fast Die Hot is a collection of stories about what happens when you realize that some things are more important than crafting the perfect tweet. It follows Jenny to Morocco, where she embarks on a quest to prove to herself that she can travel alone without reenacting a plotline from Taken. It shows her confronting demons—most of them from childhood, a few from the spirit realm. And it culminates in Peru, where Jenny decides that maybe the cure for her worries lies at the bottom of a cup of ayahuasca. Hilarious, outlandish, and surprisingly affecting, Live Fast Die Hot reminds you that even if you aren’t cut out for adulthood, at least you can be better at it than your mother.

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    Live Fast Die Hot

    6.8 hrs • 6/14/16 • Unabridged
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  2. 3.7 hrs • 4/5/2016 • Unabridged

    Based on the wildly popular Instagram account @CrazyJewishMom, Kate Siegel’s essay collection is about life with the woman who redefined the term “helicopter mom.” There is nothing more wonderful than a mother’s love. There is also nothing more annoying. Who else can proudly insist that you’re perfect while simultaneously making you question every career, fashion, and relationship decision you have ever made? No one understands the delicate mother-daughter dynamic better than Kate Siegel—her own mother drove her so crazy that she decided to broadcast their hilarious conversations on Instagram. Soon, hundreds of thousands of people were following their daily text exchanges, eager to see what outrageous thing Kate’s mom would do next. Now, in Mother, Can You Not?, Kate pays tribute to the woman whose helicopter parenting may make your mom look like Mother Teresa. If fans think Kate’s mom’s texts are insane, they will laugh out loud at the anecdotes her daughter shares in this collection. From embarrassing moments (like her mother’s surprise early morning visit, catching Kate in bed with her crush) to outrageous stories (such as the time she moved cross country to be near Kate’s college) to hilarious mantras (“No STD test. You won’t be getting sexed!”), Mother, Can you NOT? lovingly lampoons the lengths to which our mothers will go to better our lives (even if it feels like they’re ruining them in the process).

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    Mother, Can You Not?

    3.7 hrs • 4/5/16 • Unabridged
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  3. 3.0 hrs • 6/2/2015 • Unabridged

    Ari Gold, after years of dominating the Hollywood agency scene, finally offers invaluable tips and advice on how to be as successful in work and in life as Gold himself. Ari Gold is known for his ruthless approach to deal-making and client relationships that made him one of, if not the, most powerful and sought-after agents in Hollywood until he retired in 2011. In his new book The Gold Standard, Gold will illuminate, for the first time, his unique, effective and, some would say, outrageous philosophies on running a successful business, client management, employee motivation, keeping a happy home life, and other keys to his many successes. Brash, emphatic, instructive and always wise, Gold’s book will rival business and leadership bestsellers the world over. In his own words and with his trademark enthusiasm, Gold’s tome will be the only book anyone wanting to make something of him or herself will ever need. Ari Gold says: “In my humble opinion, if you want to run a successful business this is the only book you’ll ever have to read. And my humble opinion is never wrong.”

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    The Gold Standard

    3.0 hrs • 6/2/15 • Unabridged
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  4. 5.7 hrs • 10/16/2014 • Unabridged

    From Eric Kaplan, acclaimed comedy writer, scholar, and coexecutive producer of The Big Bang Theory, comes a humorous philosophical investigation into the existence of Santa. Metaphysics isn’t ordinarily much of a laughing matter. But in the hands of acclaimed comedy writer and scholar Eric Kaplan, a search for the truth about old St. Nick becomes a deeply insightful, laugh-out-loud discussion of the way some things exist but may not really be there. Just like Santa and his reindeer. Even after we outgrow the jolly fellow, the essential paradox persists: there are some things we dearly believe in that are not universally acknowledged as real. In Does Santa Exist?, Kaplan shows how philosophy giants Bertrand Russell and Ludwig Wittgenstein strove to smooth over this uncomfortable meeting of the real and unreal—and failed. From there he turns to mysticism’s attempts to resolve such paradoxes, surveying Buddhism, Taoism, early Christianity, and Theosophy. Finally, this brilliant comic writer alights on—surprise—comedy as the ultimate resolution of the fundamental paradoxes of life, using examples from The Big Bang Theory, Monty Python’s cheese shop sketch, and many other pop-culture sources. Kaplan delves deeper into what this means, from how our physical brains work to his own personal confrontations with life’s biggest questions: If we’re all going to die, what’s the point of anything? What is a perfect moment? What can you say about God? Or Santa?

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    Does Santa Exist?

    5.7 hrs • 10/16/14 • Unabridged
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  5. 6.8 hrs • 3/6/2014 • Unabridged

    The panic began to set in when Annabelle Gurwitch turned forty-nine. Suddenly, new and pernicious health problems began to plague her, solicitations from the AARP began flooding her mailbox, and a marriage proposal on Twitter was abruptly rescinded when the tweeter caught a glimpse of Gurwitch’s age. A visit to her gynecologist ended not with one of his usual benign send-offs—stay healthy, stay happy, stay hydrated—but instead with the slightly ominous: “Stay … funny.” In this new collection of essays, Gurwitch has taken her gynecologist’s advice to heart. Whether she’s lusting after the young man fixing her computer, navigating the extensive anti-aging offerings in the Barneys beauty department, or negotiating the ins and outs of acceptable behavior with her teenage son, Gurwitch bravely turns an unflinching eye towards the myriad of issues women can expect to encounter in their later years.

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    I See You Made an Effort

    6.8 hrs • 3/6/14 • Unabridged
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  6. 0.5 hrs • 1/1/2014 • Unabridged

    If you feel the heat go up your neck, your armpits drip with sweat, your hands have gotten clammy, and your clothes are soaking wet—unless you’re running through the Mohave desert—you’re in menopause. If you’ve looked into the mirror and wondered “what the hell happened to me?” you’re probably beyond menopause. Either way, this audiobook is for you. Two dozen hilarious rhymes covering everything from wrinkles to spider veins, falling body parts to skin tags, flatulence to muffin tops, and on and on. You know what’s been happening to you, now it’s time to find out what’s coming just around the corner. Written with an irreverent, dry sense of humor, it’s the perfect antidote for dealing with the trials and tribulations of getting older. So spend those sweaty, sleepless nights with these twenty-four funny ladies and know you’re not alone.

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    What the Hell Happened to Me?

    0.5 hrs • 1/1/14 • Unabridged
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  7. 2 reviews 0 5 4 4 out of 5 stars 4/5 (2)
    6.5 hrs • 7/15/2012 • Unabridged

    Known for roles on the small screen such as Tobias Funke on Arrested Development and the role of David in Mr. Show With Bob And David, as well as a hugely successful stand-up routine full of sharp-tongued rants and rages, David Cross has carved out his place in American comedy. Now, for the first time, Cross is weaving his media mockery, celebrity denunciation, religious commentary, and sheer madness into book form. And as if this wasn’t enough for your laughing pleasure in these troubled times, some of the pieces splinter off with additional material being created online in exclusive video and animated web content created solely for the book. With a mix of personal essays, satirical fiction posing as truth, advice for rich people, information from America’s least favorite rabbi and a top-ten list of top-ten lists, I Drink for a Reason is as unique as the comedian himself, and cannot be missed.

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    I Drink for a Reason

    6.5 hrs • 7/15/12 • Unabridged
    2 reviews 0 5 4 4 out of 5 stars 4/5 (2)
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  8. 2 reviews 0 5 5 5 out of 5 stars 5/5 (2)
    5.8 hrs • 7/15/2012 • Unabridged

    Me Talk Pretty One Day contains far more than just the funniest collection of autobiographical essays, it registers as a manifesto about language itself. Wherever there’s a straight line, you can be sure Sedaris lurks beneath the text, making it jagged with laughter. And just where the fault lines fall, he sits mischievously perched at the epicenter of it all. No medium available to mankind is spared his cultural vision, no family member (even the dynasties of family pets) is forgotten in these pages of sardonic memories of Sedaris’ numerous incarnations in North Carolina, Chicago, New York, and France. One essay, punctuated by a conspicuous absence of s’s and plurals, introduces the lisping young fifth-grader David “Thedarith,” who arms himself with a thesaurus, learns every non-sibilant word in the lexicon, eludes his wily speech therapy teacher, and amazes his countrified North Carolina teachers with his out-of-nowhere and man-size vocabulary. By an ironic twist of fate, readers find present-day Sedaris in France, where only now, after all these years, he must cling safely to just plural nouns so as to avoid assigning the wrong genders to French objects. Even the strictest of grammarians won’t be able to look at the parts of speech in the same way after exposing themselves to the linguistic phenomena of Sedarisian humor. What David Sedaris has to say about language classes, his brother’s gangsta-rap slang, typewriters, computers, audiobooks, movies, and even restaurant menus is sure to unleash upon the world a mad rash of pocket-dictionary-toting nouveau grammarians who bow their heads to a new, inverted word order.

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    Me Talk Pretty One Day

    5.8 hrs • 7/15/12 • Unabridged
    2 reviews 0 5 5 5 out of 5 stars 5/5 (2)
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  9. 3 reviews 0 5 4.3 4 out of 5 stars 4.3/5 (3)
    3.1 hrs • 7/15/2012 • Unabridged

    Ellen returns in her third book to share some tidbits from her life, including humorous observations, short stories, a poem, a bucket list, and much more. Along with the expected humor, we get a glimpse of Ellen’s life and opinions on working for Cover Girl, her wife Portia, Oprah, her love of animals, and her always-optimistic outlook on life. You’ll find no stone unturned, no door unopened, no rug unvacuumed, and no ivories untickled. Always a little goofy, Seriously…I’m Kidding is a seriously feel-good read.

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    Seriously…I’m Kidding

    3.1 hrs • 7/15/12 • Unabridged
    3 reviews 0 5 4.3 4 out of 5 stars 4.3/5 (3)
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  10. 5.1 hrs • 7/15/2012 • Unabridged

    The scholarly discipline of Bullshit Studies has blossomed in the last several years, fertilized by a number of critical works on the subject and the growing importance of the issue. Now, bestselling author and lifelong practitioner Stanley Bing enters the field with a comprehensive look at the many attractive jobs now available to those who are serious about their bullshit and prepared to dedicate their working life to it. Across the globe, skillful bullshit artists have secured pleasant, lucrative employment, and are enjoying themselves more than you are. In virtually every occupation, from Advertising to Yoga Franchising, lucky individuals who "work" in these coveted positions enjoy the best lives imaginable -- they are paid well, they rarely break a sweat, and their professions are highly respected, because nobody really knows what they do. At once funny, useful, and tolerably philosophical, this groundbreaking work takes a close look at 100 bullshit jobs, which will provide the neophyte with inspiration. Most crucially, Bing goes on to offer a clear, concise strategy to help job-seekers reach for that brass ring, knowing full well that it may be attached to the nose of a bull.

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    100 Bullshit Jobs...And How to Get Them

    5.1 hrs • 7/15/12 • Unabridged
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  11. 1.3 hrs • 7/15/2012 • Unabridged

    Finally, answers to all those strange questions you’d like to ask your own doctor but haven’t had the guts (or more likely the time) to do so. If you’ve ever wanted to ask a doctor: How do people in wheelchairs have sex? Why do I get a killer headache when I suck down my milkshake too fast? Can I lose my contact lens inside my head forever? Why does asparagus make my pee smell? Why do old people grow hair on their ears? Is the old adage “beer before liquor, never sicker, liquor before beer…” really true? Then Why Do Men Have Nipples? is the book for you. Compiled by Billy Goldberg, an emergency medicine physician, and Mark Leyner, bestselling author and well-known satirist, Why Do Men Have Nipples? offers factual and funny answers to some of the big questions about the oddities of our bodies.

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    Why Do Men Have Nipples?

    1.3 hrs • 7/15/12 • Unabridged
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  12. 8.4 hrs • 9/28/2010 • Abridged

    What do you do after you write a #1 bestselling book about your drunken, sexual misadventures that makes you rich and famous? Celebrate by getting more drunk and having insane amounts of sex, obviously. And pretty soon you’ve got another fucking book on your hands. Stuffed full of ridiculous stories of bad decisions, debauchery, and sexual recklessness, Assholes Finish First starts where I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell left off, then proceeds to "some next-level shit." You already know how women react to confidence, game, and vodka, but what happens when you add money and fame to the mix? You get answers to the hard questions you’ve never thought of asking:• What’s it like to have sex with a midget? What about two midgets?• How does it feel to get multiple requests to "fuck for charity"?• What does it do to a man to watch a 19-year-old do wind sprints to sober up, so that she can have sex with you before her twin sister does?• At what number of virgins does deflowering them stop being fun and start feeling like a job?• When a girl you met three hours ago decides to tattoo your name next to her pussy, what is the appropriate reaction?• Can you X-ray a blowjob? The answers are inside, they are absurd and hilarious, and they are the product of one man’s experiences: His name is Tucker Max, and he is still an asshole.

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    Assholes Finish First

    8.4 hrs • 9/28/10 • Abridged
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  13. 0 reviews 0 5 5 5 out of 5 stars 5/5
    4.8 hrs • 11/18/2008 • Abridged

    “A pissed-off Leary is the best Leary,” says one critic of the writer and comic. In Why We Suck, Dr. Denis Leary uses his common sense and his biting and hilarious take on the world to attack the politically correct, the hypocritical, the obese, the thin—basically everyone who takes themselves too seriously. He does so with the extra oomph of a doctorate bestowed upon him by his alma mater Emerson College. “Sure it’s just a celebrity type of thing—they only gave it to me because I’m famous,” Leary explains. “But it’s legal and it means I get to say I’m a doctor—just like Dr. Phil.” In Why We Suck, Leary’s famously smart style and sardonic wit have found their fullest and fiercest expression yet. Zeroing in on the ridiculous wherever he finds it, Leary unravels his Irish Catholic upbringing, the folly of celebrity, the pressures of family life, and the great hypocrisy of politics with the same bright, savage, and profane insight he brought to his critically acclaimed one-man shows No Cure for Cancer and Lock ’n Load, and his platinum-selling song, “Asshole.” Proudly Irish American, defiantly working class, with a reserve of compassion for the underdog and the overlooked, Leary delivers blistering diatribes that are penetrating social commentary with no holds barred. Leary’s work will find wide appeal among people who want to laugh out loud or find a guide who matches their view of what’s wrong in America and the world-at-large; and fans of his one-man shows, his many movies, and Rescue Me, Leary’s Golden Globe– and Emmy-nominated television show. Why We Suck is the latest salvo from one of America’s most original and biting comic satirists.

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    Why We Suck

    4.8 hrs • 11/18/08 • Abridged
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  14. 5.7 hrs • 10/3/2006 • Unabridged

    Tucker Max graduated with high honors from the University of Chicago in 1998 and received an academic scholarship to Duke Law School, where he graduated in 2001, despite the fact that he spent part of one semester—while still enrolled in classes—living in Cancun. He took these degrees and set out to help the world—by drinking, hooking up, acting like a jerk, and then writing about it. The result, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, is a collection of first-person tales of sex, alcohol, and mayhem that transport the reader into Tucker’s comical, perverse, and oftentimes surreal world. Tucker will admit that many of his antics are completely juvenile and without excuse, but he approaches the stories of his life with brutal honesty, sparing no one, especially not himself.

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    I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

    5.7 hrs • 10/3/06 • Unabridged
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  15. 1 reviews 0 5 4.7 4 out of 5 stars 4.7/5 (1)
    3.2 hrs • 10/28/2003 • Unabridged

    Ellen DeGeneres published her first book of comic essays, the #1 bestselling My Point…and I Do Have One, way back in 1996. Not one to rest on her laurels, the witty star of stage and screen has since dedicated her life to writing a hilarious new book. That book is this audiobook. After years of painstaking, round-the-clock research, surviving on a mere twenty minutes of sleep a night, and collaborating with lexicographers, plumbers, and mathematicians, DeGeneres has crafted a work that is both easy on the ears and very funny. Along with her trademark ramblings, The Funny Thing Is…contains hundreds of succinct insights into her psyche, and offers innovative features including: • More than 50,000 simple, short words arranged in sentences that form paragraphs. • Thousands of observations on everyday life, from terrible fashion trends to how to handle seating arrangements for a Sunday brunch with Paula Abdul, Diane Sawyer, and Eminem. • All twenty-six letters of the alphabet read aloud. Sure to make you laugh, The Funny Thing Is…is Ellen in top form.

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    The Funny Thing Is…

    3.2 hrs • 10/28/03 • Unabridged
    1 reviews 0 5 4.7 4 out of 5 stars 4.7/5 (1)
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