The Deleted E-Mails of Hillary Clinton:

A Parody

The explosive secret e-mails Hillary Clinton doesn’t want you to read
(Or maybe she does She’s crafty like that.)

Remember that time Hillary Clinton admitted that she deleted thousands of e-mails from her ultrasecret personal e-mail address while secretary of state? Thousands of e-mails, she claimed, about her daughter’s wedding? Well, shockingly, people aren’t buying it: “Hiding the truth” says the New York Post. “Conspiracy or incompetence?” asks Al Jazeera. “Hillary Clinton Don’t Give a Sh*t” claims Wonkette. What’s clear here is that the country will crumble if these e-mails aren’t released immediately.

Now, thanks to John Moe and the good people of WikiLoox, the e-mails have been retrieved and placed in this dossier. For the first time, we’ll get a look inside HRC’s well-coiffed head, reading intimate conversations with family (Bill, Chelsea), friends (Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Oprah, Beyonce), and frenemies (Obama, Palin, Putin) alike. We’ll also learn essential details about her private life, from her pop culture obsessions to her thoughts on yoga, baking cookies, Scandal, and much more.

Make no mistake—this is a book of critical national importance. On her journey from mother-of-the-bride to commandress-in-chief, we’ll see how HRC handles the most challenging situations she might face in the White House, including how to respond to people who “reply all” to e-mails and how to wrangle pantsuit retailers as they compete, with increasing desperation, for her attention. Along the way, we will finally get the portrait we need—the one our country deserves—of the woman we may soon call “Queen”—we mean, “Madam President.”

So read on, friends. Read on for freedom.

Author Biography

John Moe is a regular contributor to the award-winning humor website McSweeneys.net, and his stories, commentaries, and short humor pieces have appeared on the NPR programs All Things Considered, Morning Edition, Day to Day, and Only a Game. He lives with his wife and children in Seattle.

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Reader Biography

Jim Meskimen is a stage, film, and television actor who has appeared in many well-known movies and television shows. He acted in Apollo 13 and Frost/Nixon for director Ron Howard, both of which were nominated for Best Picture Oscars. His television appearances include The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Friends, Lie to Me, Criminal Minds, and Parks and Recreation. He is also a painter, award-winning audiobook narrator, and audiobook director for Galaxy Audio.

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