I Only Say This Because I Love You: Talking In Families

By Deborah Tannen
Read by Deborah Tannen

4.35 Hours 05/01/2001 abridged
Format: Digital Download (In Stock)
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    ISBN: 9780743548588

Why does talk in families so often go in circles, leaving us tied up in knots? Linguist Deborah Tannen reveals why talking to family members is so often painful and problematic -- even when we're all adults. Searching for signs of acceptance and belonging, we find signs of disapproval and rejection. Why do the seeds of family love so often yield a harvest of criticism and judgment? In I Only Say This Because I Love You, Tannen shows how important it is, in family talk, to learn to separate word meanings, or messages, from heart meanings, or metamessages -- unstated but powerful meanings that come from the history of our relationships and the way things are said. Presenting real conversations from people's lives, Tannen explores what is actually going on in family talk, including how family conversations must balance the longing for connection with the desire for control, as we struggle to be close without giving up our freedom. This eye-opening audiobook explains why grown women so often feel criticized by their mothers -- and why mothers feel they can't open their mouths around their grown daughters, why growing up male or female, or as an older or younger sibling, results in different experiences of family that persist throughout our lives. BY helping us to understand and redefine family talk, Tannen provides the tools to improve relationships with family members of every age.

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Summary

Summary

Why does talk in families so often go in circles, leaving us tied up in knots? Linguist Deborah Tannen reveals why talking to family members is so often painful and problematic -- even when we're all adults.
Searching for signs of acceptance and belonging, we find signs of disapproval and rejection. Why do the seeds of family love so often yield a harvest of criticism and judgment? In I Only Say This Because I Love You, Tannen shows how important it is, in family talk, to learn to separate word meanings, or messages, from heart meanings, or metamessages -- unstated but powerful meanings that come from the history of our relationships and the way things are said.
Presenting real conversations from people's lives, Tannen explores what is actually going on in family talk, including how family conversations must balance the longing for connection with the desire for control, as we struggle to be close without giving up our freedom.
This eye-opening audiobook explains why grown women so often feel criticized by their mothers -- and why mothers feel they can't open their mouths around their grown daughters, why growing up male or female, or as an older or younger sibling, results in different experiences of family that persist throughout our lives. BY helping us to understand and redefine family talk, Tannen provides the tools to improve relationships with family members of every age.

Editorial Reviews

Editorial Reviews

“Tannen’s study is at once learned, imaginative, and accessible: a must-read for both parents and children.”  Barnes & Noble, editorial review
“[Tannen] convincingly shows how threads of family history and emotion add weight and complexity to everyday exchanges…Parents of teenagers may also find some good insights in Tannen’s clear-sighted analysis of how clashing frames of reference undermine communication.”  Publishers Weekly
“Lively prose and [a] genuine concern for people…a fine stimulant to conversation, constructive argument, and research. Essential.”  Library Journal

Reviews

Reviews

Author

Author Bio: Deborah Tannen

Deborah Tannen is the acclaimed author of You Just Don’t Understand, which was on the New York Times bestseller list for nearly four years; the New York Times bestseller on mother-daughter communication You’re Wearing THAT?; I Only Say This Because I Love You; and many other books. A professor of linguistics at Georgetown University, she appears frequently on national television and radio. The youngest of three sisters, she lives with her husband in the Washington, DC, area.

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Details

Details

Available Formats : Digital Download
Runtime: 4.35
Audience: Adult
Language: English